Monday, 27 July 2009

still at 49 lbs

still at 49lbs urgghhhhh!!
so depressing had 2 weeks at a stay the same! tell you what the final stone and a bit is defo the hardest to shift i tend to have a pattern now of loosing 1 or 2lbs then sts for 1 or 2 weeks, its taking alot longer. i feel awwwful this week just becuase its TOTM i so bloated :( ...
im really fed up too still. made a consciotuios descion to start looking at flats to rent i mite move out soon if can afford it really neeed my own space. Just need to make sure im safe in my job first before i do anything hasty as that is on the rocks. so a new job is on the horizon but theres just nothing out there.... i really wish id of stuck with college because now more than anything in the world i want to become a teacher! im going to look into the possible courses and that that i could go into because i really want to do it. i know it will take me probably 5 years or so to complete but im only 23 so even if it is late 20s thats not that old and your never to old to learn. i just want a proper career to wake up evry monring and look forward to going into work.. i miss that feeling.,
onwards and upwards

Sunday, 12 July 2009

pictures :) and 1lb away from 50lb loss!!

heylo lovlies... im feelin much better... i think im back n track! i lost 2lbs this week takin me to 49lbs loss!! which means im 1lb away from 50!!! i cant believe it how fantastic is that! im so proud of myself i definalty think my goal of 5 stone loss by xmas is achieveable. ive now lost 3 and half stone .. only 21lbs to go! my BMI will be 26 when i loose another 2lbs too! god im so excited. Im gettin so many compliments now its lovely and im really beginning to see it myself. i am now a comfortable size 14 in most shops. i have one random size 12 top! but it blatently comes up big lol so im not reading into that lol! but i own a size 12 top woooooo !! :) i actually told my friends aswell what i weigh. i did originally say i woulnt until i was at goal but hey they are my best freinds and have been so supportive of me they deserved to know and i felt so proud wen i told them . They assured me i nevr looked 17 stone but i no i did. its crazy to think that now. Last night when i went out i wore this waist belt with my dress.. anyway it just goes to show.. i had to put an extra wholes right to the end when i first brought it because it didnt fit. I now wear it on the second whole from the end showing how man inches ive lost from my wasit. i think im beginning to get more of a curvier shape now too which is what ive longed for becuase i think im very straight up and down and i hate that id give anything to have an hour glass figure its so womanly and beutiful but you cant change your figure lol! i can dream... anyway here is a before picture and an up to date picture at my current weight . What do you think?? xxxxx

Me in my size 22 dress at 17 stone 4lbs..

me at 17 stone 4lbs again

Me last week 13 stone 13 in my size 14 dress

Me again in my size 14 dress
13 stone 13.


Saturday, 4 July 2009

sore eyes.. confused and hurt help me find my way back

hey everyone..

wow i warn you now this is gona be long i have so much to say need to get it all of my chest.

firstly im really happy after holiday i really thought i had put on about 7lbs.. i hoped it would be about 5 btu i thort it would be 7.. i ate and drank so much but i reli enjoyed it and always told myself i was giving myself my holiday off! anyway got back and had put on 3lbs! was soooooooooo chuffed :) plus i got back in sunday , weigh in friday so by friday i managed to loose 1.5lbs and then this week i lost the other 1.5lbs so im back now as 13 13 again YAY :)

on the sad side im reli low at the moment i cant stop crying and i cant seem to get motivated to do anything. Its like ive totally and utterlt lost the way.. i started this blog at the beginning of the year full of hope and inspiration and i was LOVING it.. i was loving me i was loving life. Everything was so good. i enjoyed my job my freinds i was gettin much more attention then i was ever used to, I then met someone and it totally messed my head up ive become this irrational, stressed out NAG that just worries all the time. i dont think about mysef anymore all i think about is him. i no im doing it i just cant seem to find the way out. Anyway just before my holiday we had an arguement and he decided he was going to ignore me .. completely ignore me. he ignored me for 5 days befor eholiday i have never ever been so upset in my entire life. WHY becus i am falling in love with him and ive been trying to deny it to myself becus i no he doesnt feel the same yet and i didnt want to be the only one. You see the thing is, i have never had a proper boyfriend so to speak. ive always been to fat for that. well that was my excuse lol theyve always sed to me oh i see u as a best freind or worse they always go for one of my best freinds. i just kind of got used to it.
now with me loosing weight ive got this confidence well had this confidence , i met him and i just didnt belive he liked me i got all paranoid about it and insecure and i kept askin u do like me dont u etc etc, and i have no idea why i knew he did...does?
so yesterday i went out he was out. we spoke but ive totally messed it up. ive blown anything that mite have been becus i didnt shut up becus i was drunk i just went on and on and on and on.. he was like stop saying the same thing but i didnt i carrid on and on and now i swear to god i have blown it. i dont no wot to do ive cried all day literally ALL day. i cant take the hurt of all this but i want him i dont want anyone else. iev tried to go on another date and i cant becus its him i want and i no he wants me but its like ive pushed him away becus i like him moe than he likes me. i dont no wher to go from here. wat doesnt help is i hate my job now too i just sit there doing nothing its rubbish and therefor all i do is think.
i feel like its mental torture i can decide wot to do for the best, i no i want him but i cant speak to him. if i ring he wont answer becus hes at work. if i leave it and say nothing then im back to waiting around and thats wot kills me. if i tex then i dont think he will texback ...

o my god i just dont no wot to do i sound like a ryt child in the blog post im sorry i honeslty dont no wot to do. i cant concentrate on anything the gym, wwatchers its totally messed me up.

please help me. xxx